I can't believe I am actually doing this, it is 12:30am here in the state of Texas. I should be sleeping, as my toddler will wake rather early in the morning and I will have my motherly duties to attend to. But, I can't seem to turn my mind off, and lately have been spending way too much time online reading blogs about other moms lives, and wondering if this crazy therapeutic way of telling others what your thinking and doing on a daily basis will somehow help me.
Don't get me wrong I love my life, but lately it seems my mind keeps running through all the things I need and want to do and I can't seem to shut off that still small voice telling me, " more, you have to do more." I don't want to do more, I just want to go to bed and wake up feeling as though my place in this world is secure and my purpose is clearly before me. Is this what it is like to be a mother? constantly feeling as though something has been left undone, something more needs to be done? Am I doing it right? Am I trying hard enough? What more should I be doing?
I am the type of person who needs organization, I thrive on things being well ordered, having someone give me directions and guidance and then me fulfilling the task and somehow feeling accomplished. Being a stay at home mom is the complete opposite, I both thrive and seem to fail at this new found person hood. I am yearning for a place, an assignment, a clearly stated purpose and goal to work toward. What I have is a blank agenda to fill in as the days go by and pray that I am doing most things right, being a good wife and a loving mother. Raising my son to be a loving and God fearing man. How will I know, when will my report card come in telling me if I am on the right path?
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