You see while here in the nicu for as long as we have been, you really get to know some of the people who take care of you. We spend 12 hour shifts with each nurse before getting a new one and they often come back several days in a row. You sit with them and talk as they take care of your child and a lot of them have opened up during our conversations. Show interest in someone and ask about their lives and their children and the floodgates usually open. Its heartwarming and an amazing experience to be honored with these peoples lives and stories.
A common theme for a lot of these amazing people has been their own stories of hardship and heartbreak. I think God created special people to work in this special environment and to really have compassion and empathy a lot of these nurses and doctors have walked hard roads of their own. It makes them better at what they do, more caring, more patient, more kind to the frazzled parents of these sick and fragile children. I have always believed God gives us our trials to make us better people, we have to choose to become better instead of angry and bitter, but if we do we can bless other peoples lives and boy have I been blessed by these amazing people.
There is nurse Jaime whose son died in a car accident at age 18. Along with Nurse Debbie's son who also passed in the very same accident and then a year later she lost her husband to skin cancer. Then there is young nurse Stephanie, who while working here at Cook in the nicu has a 4 year old daughter at home and a 30 year old husband next door at Harris fighting cancer that is ravaging his body. There was also a sweet nurse in picu that has not one but two special needs children, one missing a limb and one with a rare lymphnode disorder that might cause him to lose his leg and maybe more. Nurse Vicki had a 26 year old son who died of complications from Muscular Dystrophy. One of the cardiac charge nurses whose husband died of Lou Gehrigs disease and has two small girls to raise at home now as a single mom. One of our main cardiac doctors lost one of his 9 month old twin sons to a rare brain disorder.
All of these stories were told to me from deep within these peoples hearts. While listening to them I could see the pain in their eyes and feel it from their souls. This is just within the nicu here at Cook Childrens, this doesn't include the sad stories that we have encountered over the the Ronald Mcdonald house or even on other floors of this hospital. Listening to these stories and seeing how these people could rise out of the ashes of their pain or live through it in the very moment was inspiring. I thought after hearing each one how easy we had it, how blessed I was to have my family, my baby, here getting help. I would look at the sentences in my little journal and be thankful and pray for those that were hurting. I admit that I was thankful too to not have quite such a tragic story. You know perspective, its all about perspective.
I wrote down their stories for several reasons, one so that when they came around to take care of my sweet Koralyn I could remember and relate. Another reason was so I could keep things in perspective and be thankful that while we were in the nicu struggling things could always be worse; a count your blessings sort of thing. And third because one day I was going to get on this blog and write some inspiring post about all these amazing people and talk about how I had counted my blessings and learned so much from them. Then me and my family became one of the tragic stories in the sentences in my journal. Me, my mom died in a motorcycle accident on a sunny Sunday afternoon. My mom, a wife, a grandma, a young 55 year old woman. My mom, she died, suddenly, tragically. MY MOM, MY LIFE, ME, US, MY SISTER, OUR KIDS, HER FRIENDS.
It has been a blur and I want to tell the story but don't have the heart right now. I will say this, my mom was dearly loved and loved so many people herself. It showed, there are things I took for granted and things I didn't know about her. I am hurting, all who lost my mom are.
These are easily the worst days of my life; exhausting, confusing, sad, lonely. But I can still see God's grace and mercy in all of this. I see it in Koralyn's face, in the compassionate eyes of the doctors and nurses, in the tears of my friends, in my sister and family's love. I see it, I think my mom would want me to see it, and I know she would be looking for it. I am so greatful and humbled by all the love, prayers and support we have been given. Everyone my mom worked with and loved. My friends who were here the night I got the call from my sister. My pastor, who I will be forever greatful to for flying out to NM to perform my moms service. My best friend Annora who became my surrogate husband while Amos stayed in Ft. Worth with Koralyn. My sister. Too many to name.
These are dark days I am in the deepest darkest part of this tunnel, I can't see the light, but I know its there. Its always there.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17
"Since we consider and look not to the things which are seen, but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are temporal ( brief and fleeting), but the things that are unseen are deathless and everlasting." 2 Corinthians 4:18 AMP
