Sick

This is my sweet boy Asa, he is a ball of energy, he is wearing his daddy's huge boots (I'm talking size 14 folks) he seems to love shoes for some reason but I think all kids go through this phase. He is sick right now as am I, we can't seem to shake this mess whatever it is. I took him to the doctors office today and he has an ear infection and a virus. We were up for a long time last night trying to keep him comfortable. This has to be one of the most difficult things about parenting, the nights when they cry and fuss and you can't seem to keep them happy and no one gets the sleep they need. Asa has never really been what you would call a good sleeper, he didn't start sleeping through the night until around nine months and even now he wakes up and cries for a few minutes but usually falls back to sleep on his own. Not so when he is sick, he wails and you know that you won't be getting a lot of sleep. I am sick as well and have had to cancel a lot of fun things this week, like play dates with friends and a sewing class. I know that sounds nerdy but I really would like to learn to sew and make things on my own. Maybe I will be good at it! Another very difficult thing to swallow when you have a toddler is when you are sick and your still expected to get your sick butt out of bed and take care of them. It is so hard for me and yesterday was just a very hard day because I felt like death and wanted nothing more but hot soup and a warm bed, yet my toddler needed taking care of. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom and feel blessed even when there are hard times but we all want to be taken care of when we are sick. It was quite pitiful actually, me going from room to room with Asa laying like a dog on the floor half alive while he played around me and sometimes on top of me. It is these days when you are proud that they have been properly fed, clothed and changed! Ah yes and way too much t.v. occurs on these days too (what did sick moms do before t.v.). Asa is a sport though and seems to be rather good at entertaining himself, which I am proud of. Well life isn't too exciting around here right now, hopefully we will both be better soon and can get back to having fun, cleaning and doing all the wonderful things we do!

Improvement!!

The person that invented air conditioning is a wonderful human being! I sure have a lot of respect for the people that lived before it! Especially in Texas, I don't know how they did it!! The air conditioner man gave us a window of 10 to 2, of course he came much closer to 2 than 10 but hey he fixed our air conditioner and my son is happily napping! Let me just say I am so glad that we have an "emergency" fund. It started out as $300 and unless there is an emergency, (which there has been a lot of lately) it grows by $65 a week. Now that doesn't seem like a lot but it adds up quickly and gives you a nice cushion in situations like these. God has blessed us with financial stability and minds to spend our money wisely (for the most part). I recommend starting an emergency fund to everyone!

Because I had to wait for the air conditioner man to come I actually got a lot accomplished. Now anyone that knows me (especially my husband) knows that I love everything to be clean and well organized. This means I regularly clean out all drawers, closets and cabinets and try to keep under the bed areas free of a lot of stuff. I love the feeling of purging stuff we don't use and giving it to charity and someone who will!! I was able to clean out all the closets and the desk in the office today!! It is such a good feeling and I have quite a bit of stuff to give to Mission Arlington. The throne in my flesh though is the guest room closet. You see our house would be perfect if it had one more bedroom and a few extra closets. Right now all of our baby stuff is in guest room closet, which will become the baby's room when we decide to have another one. I dread this day because where are all the stupid sized baby toys and jumpers etc. going to go? Ugh I hate it. All in all it has been a pretty good day and tonight we will have fish, potatoes and fresh corn for dinner!!

Ugh, to say the least!!

So it is 3:30 in the morning here in Grand Prairie Texas and I am awake. Why you ask, Because my dear son is sick and has been crying since 1:00am to no avail. Then my husband (who I have been fighting with all day) comes in to tell me the air conditioner is broken! Yep that's right folks tomorrow it is going to be near a balmy 100 degrees and our air conditioner is not working. It just seems that everything is going wrong for us the last week and now this. Who knows how much it will cost to fix the stupid air conditioner and if the people will even be able to come out before our house is 90 degrees inside. I am sick and tired and so is everyone else in this house. These are the nights when I am content with one child because I don't know how I would handle two screaming at 3:00 in the morning. Again I thought I would be so much better at this parenting gig. I am learning just how little patience I have and how very selfish I am when it comes to things like sleeping. Amos is such a good dad, he is in the living room rocking my baby to sleep. Amos seems to be a perpetually patient guy, which makes me feel like mommy dearest in these situations. My head is killing me and I am just angry at the world right now. I hope and pray that the air conditioner can be fixed in a timely manner and that my son will get some sleep and begin to get over what seems to be a summer cold. Ugh, I just want a do over card for this day.

Saturday Blah

So some days I feel like a really good mom and wife and other days not so much. Today would be one of the not so much days. You see I don't feel good, I believe I am getting a sinus infection as my nose is running like crazy, my eyes are puffy and my head has been killing me, not to mention I just feel blah. Well when I am sick, which has been so often lately, my fuse is very short. Asa is almost 21 months old and he is a very active boy who has my stubborn personality and defiance. His two new favorite activities are climbing on forbidden things and throwing just about anything in site. This evening we were outside having a jolly time in the yard, I was weeding one of the tree rings bent down when my son chucked a fairly large and very hard rock at my head; I blew up and yelled at him like a child throwing a fit in our front yard no less. My sweet and patient husband is now taking him on a walk around the neighborhood in his beloved wagon. I just thought I would be much better at this job, some days I am, most days I don't live up to my expectations. All I can hope for in the end is a boy that will grow into a man who loves and fears God and realizes that even though his mom wasn't perfect she did cherish him and love him unconditionally, and tried hard to be good.

On a more exciting note Asa is really starting to use his words as I like to say. He can now identify our eyes, mouth, nose and teeth!! He says fish like a pro and enjoyed a side trip to Petsmart today just to look at the funny fish. He is growing and becoming a true little boy. He is amazing to me a true blessing from God!!

It's been an interesting week!!

So this week was VBS at our church, (Vacation Bible School). This is big in most Texas churches and I voluntered to work this week. It was really a lot of fun, and gave Amos the opportunity for some free nights to himself. I was a Pre-K Tour Guide, I took a group of 11 4 and 5 year olds around to all the different activities. We had Snack, Craft, Stretch and Grow, Music and Bible Story. It was fun to be with the kids and get to know them a little and do something good for the church and the community. The theme this year was God's Big Back Yard, it was all about serving and helping others. It was good to hear and a reminder of our mission here on Earth. To love and serve God and others.

Well that was the good part of my week, now for the crazy parts. Sadly we had to put our dog Nora to sleep on Tuesday night. She had heart worms, something that can be prevented but not always. We had been giving her the monthly medicine but stopped and she got infected. She had been losing weight and I thought she just had regular worms so I dewormed her and she was doing better. On Tuesday night when I got home she was coughing up blood so I took her to a 24hr vet and they did the heart worm test, it came back strong positive, which means her heart was full of the worms. It would have cost us over $2000 to "try" and save her. We can't afford that and didn't want her to suffer so we had her put to sleep. I stayed with her while they did the procedure, it was very hard. Nora was a very good dog and regretfully we should have been better pet owners and played with her more.

Secondly, on Wednesday I took my son to the library story time. When we got out the pressure in my back left tire was very low, something hard and plastic was sticking out of it!! Luckily I was able to drive home. Once home I needed to make lunch for Asa and put him down for his nap, while doing this I turned on the garbage disposal and it backed up into the sink and shot out of the bottom cabinet!! It was ruined. I had it and Amos had to come home from work and rescue me and fix all the problems. He is my hero and a great husband.

My very first post!!

I can't believe I am actually doing this, it is 12:30am here in the state of Texas. I should be sleeping, as my toddler will wake rather early in the morning and I will have my motherly duties to attend to. But, I can't seem to turn my mind off, and lately have been spending way too much time online reading blogs about other moms lives, and wondering if this crazy therapeutic way of telling others what your thinking and doing on a daily basis will somehow help me.
Don't get me wrong I love my life, but lately it seems my mind keeps running through all the things I need and want to do and I can't seem to shut off that still small voice telling me, " more, you have to do more." I don't want to do more, I just want to go to bed and wake up feeling as though my place in this world is secure and my purpose is clearly before me. Is this what it is like to be a mother? constantly feeling as though something has been left undone, something more needs to be done? Am I doing it right? Am I trying hard enough? What more should I be doing?
I am the type of person who needs organization, I thrive on things being well ordered, having someone give me directions and guidance and then me fulfilling the task and somehow feeling accomplished. Being a stay at home mom is the complete opposite, I both thrive and seem to fail at this new found person hood. I am yearning for a place, an assignment, a clearly stated purpose and goal to work toward. What I have is a blank agenda to fill in as the days go by and pray that I am doing most things right, being a good wife and a loving mother. Raising my son to be a loving and God fearing man. How will I know, when will my report card come in telling me if I am on the right path?