My Necklace

Back in December 2010, we were robbed during the day while I had the boys out running errands and meeting with a friend for lunch. Most of my jewelry was stolen, except for a few items that were not in my jewelry box at the time, or that the thief carelessly tossed around the closet in his scramble to make it out quickly. While he got away with my grandmother's wedding band, I later found her engagement ring in a shoe, and I am so thankful to still have this treasured ring my grandmother literally wore thin even 20 years after my grandpa passed away until recently when her fingers became too thin to hold the rings. But I am already getting sidetracked, this post is about my necklace.

For my 24th birthday, while I was pregnant with Asa, Amos gave me a sweet little heart shaped necklace. We were vacationing in San Francisco and on the morning of my birthday, he left the necklace on the bathroom sink for me to find while I was getting ready for the day. I have always loved heart shaped jewelry and this necklace was special because it had a little diamond and my birthstone, an emerald placed side by side on the left side of the heart.

A few months into this pregnancy, I looked down one day and realized I had been wearing this necklace since the time I learned I was pregnant and it was in that moment I realized that it had my birthstone and the baby's birthstone on it as well. I thought this was really neat and pointed it out to Amos. When I learned later that our sweet baby was a girl, I thought me wearing the necklace was even neater, like a little sign, considering this would be my first girl and we were already connected in this sweet simple way. I vowed to not take the necklace off for the remainder of my pregnancy.

It wasn't until a few days ago, that while looking down at the necklace I realized the bittersweet connection of it all. I took the heart between my fingers and slowly traced over it, thinking about the heart and the two birthstones side by side and our connection.

I was born with a broken heart, an atrial septal defect that wasn't discovered until I was three, at which time I weighed 23 pounds. Our sweet Koralyn will also be born with a broken heart, and what seems so ironic in this whole connection thing we have going on, is the fact that the defect that made me so small and sick is essentially what is keeping Koralyn alive right now and will be made to stay open after her birth until her first surgical procedure. In March we will go back in for another echo on Koralyn's heart, and if the hole is closing prematurely, which can sometimes happen in babies with HLHS; there is chance we might have to fly to Boston to have a fetal surgery done to keep the hole open. We are told right now this is a small chance and we are of course praying that our first trip to Boston as a couple will not be under these circumstances. The necklace rests gently right at the top of my scar from the ASD closure. I find myself constantly tracing the heart with my fingers, looking down at the little green and white stones when I am thinking about, or praying for our sweet daughter with her badly broken heart. It brings me comfort knowing we are so connected in so many ways. I feel this necklace is a sweet and comforting reminder of our connection and the hope I hold in my heart for her. No matter what happens, we will always be connected. The two of us side by side like the birthstones on the heart on my necklace, that sits gently on the scar that mended my broken heart, the same scar Koralyn will have. Who knows, one day Koralyn might wear this necklace while away at college or on her wedding day, or while pregnant with her own child. Maybe she will gently grasp the heart, tracing it with her fingers and know how much I have loved her since the very beginning.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14